If money were no object,
If logistics could dissolve,
If you could be anywhere,
Doing whatever your heart desires,
Where would you be?
What would you be doing?
What would set your soul on fire?
How can you live your life today,
I’ve been contemplating that alot lately.
You know, the things you ponder when you’ve sat with death.
Or the type of exhaustion that disintegrates an introvert,
When sardined in an ICU waiting room with strangers, family friends, and fairweather frauds, some who refer to themselves as family.
It would look a little like getting lost,
Into the gentle unknown.
But not alone.
Carrying close to me my camera and journal.
Capturing trinkets along the way,
Of anything that stirs my heart and imagination.
The post death + grief process is a fascinatingly unknown road. No day is the same.
Yet there is a contradicting riddle of balance one has to come to peace with:
The vulnerable awareness of how short, how precious this one life is. How precious each day, each moment is. // vs // The pain, the loss, the venom of emptiness that craves to be numbed. “Don’t get too close to me, I don’t want you to absorb my dark, my sorrow.”
As each grief wave rolls on,
This past week has allowed me to come to more deeper peace with the internal struggle of knowing how important community + connection is but being at peace with knowing I need time alone to recharge. And how does a day dreaming INFP vegabond recharge? Solitude. Tons of solitude. And – by creating + learning.
I believe fiercely in using curiosity to fuel the creativity + learning process. Let the journey be open + playful.
After a panic ridden last minute decision to use Adobe Photoshop in leu of Illustrator, strictly for the desire to save a few bucks while creating the Summer Feature Food Menu for work- but then beating the system and maneuvering my way through creating a Menu on Microsoft Word that I felt content with, I was left with a month subscription to Photoshop and Lightroom.
Is it tacky to talk about photo editing software?
Well, lately I have been using Monkey Pic’s online editing software when doing photography edits. I adore the ability to hop on to the internet on any computer to make edits. Also loving not having to carry the baggage of having extra software downloaded on my “all ready filled to the rim” laptop.
But here I am.
A month with Adobe Photoshop + Lightroom.
Perhaps longer, as I have this secret desire to conquer the professional software that I will one day need to master. Which works well for a distraction from the mind riddles of an introverts mind trying to make sense of life + death + all that is in between.
From grassy greens leading to Grande Prairie’s Eastlink Center to the Public library nested downtown, my Canon and I had fun “learning as we play”. So bare with me friends, I am learning as I go.
Both in life, and in photography.
With deepest respect and compassion,