Hampi pt 1: Savasana (Into the Bardo)

xlvi

i’m a
state of
greyscale.
i feel stripped. is this freedom or aloneness?

i exit
the train.
unlike
any reality i’ve experienced before.

arrived
in dark
i watch
the blackbird flickering his wings, “aajao”. (come)

he flutters into the sky like a whim-
perching on a rooftop ledge, he calls me.

i climb
repaired stairs
i see
the guru, standing, presence like a lion. fierce.

the sun
rising,
sunlight bathing godly wonders of amber resilience
and i,
soaking wet
of grief and shame.
a wounded deer.
i don’t don’t belong here.

the guru’s eyes, blue, locking into mine for a strong moment.
“you’ve arrived.” a security guards welcome.
“where are you taking me?” my soul asks his.
“home. to your truth.” his replies to mine.

i look around-
there are others,
thirteen of them,
who are they?
are they real or an illusion?
why does this feel all like a dream?

the Guru and I
link eyes again
he sees my thoughts
and i acknowledge
his presence.

he nods.
i nod.
i take my place.
in line, with the others.
aligned. we become one.

with yogic resilience of timeless wisdom,
the guru, voice deep and commanding, asks:
“are you ready to learn to dance with Devi?”
i am unsure of his meaning, but i feel winds brewing.

the sun,
is breaking through
the horizon.
i feel it’s warmth.

“flow,
to savasana”
the guru,
instructs.

triggers of
the life i left,
are loud, are clear.
i surrender.
i drop.
i am too far gone,
into the Bardo.
there is no going back.

i lay myself down,
on rooftop grounds.
floppy and relaxed.
golden hour sunrise,
and temple wisdom,
bathing into my cells.

i begin to feel overwhelmed.

it’s a lot to take in.
i feel emancipated
from the exhaustion
of having to leave
everything behind.

my mind is restless.
i am unable to relax.

bird bird senses this, and swoops down to my side.
he sits close to my head. protective and on guard.
and i hear his soul speak louder than the first strike of thunder
“take rest, you have a long journey ahead.”
i don’t know what he means, but i feel my body heavy.

he begins, muttering something,
i cannot make out the words.
its not english, but familiar syallbles
like the choir hymn of metal wheels on train track,
consistent, melodic, and sacred.

he continues, it is hypnotizing.

“ahum day vee nasjaa anaa assmee brah mah……”

i do not understand
but
i feel myself,
dropping,
farther
and farther
into hypnotic sleep.

the temples,
the blackbird,
the Tantrik guru,
the rays of sunrise-
all are whispering a statement
i have not heard before:

“you are the divine.
there is no going back.”

i am
suspended
in blacknesss.

“i am the divine”
my soul whispers back.

remembrance.

there was grief,
there was destruction..
but there was awe
and there was hope.

there was death,
there was devastation..
but there was love
and there was hope.

oh beautiful hope..

heavy.