Blue

I sit on the ledge of the pool with innocence,
Quiet, a bit dejected, feeling very small.
So much ripping through my mind.
I rather not sit with this fear
Shaken by immigration and no resolution.
So I root close to the one who reminds me,
I root close to the element that reminds me of flow.
Tropical pants with slits up the thighs
Makes perfect accommodation
For water play, letting me stay dry.

As you arrive, perching in the chair, next to the one I claimed-
“Hello” we exchange.
Simple. Beautiful.
But too simple, too quick,
I can’t read in your voice
The country you call home.
This drives me crazy.
I still regret not knowing.

As I sift my feet and hands through child like water,
My back is towards to, but I do not fear you.
I have more valuables perched my lounge chair,
More than I would normally feel safe to be exposed-
But the subconscious layers are being rewired-
I don’t have to fear you, like I feared the others.
I can’t explain what this freedom feels like.
It has nothing to do with you, everything to do with me.

If this were before – I would have left when you arrived,
But I am not her anymore, too much has changed.
I’ve learnt a bit along the way, I’d shed some layers,
I know I don’t need to fear the presence of another,
I can take rest here, with a stranger in the midst.
I like that narrative. It feels good.

I have a shyness that robs of connection,
I’m aware of this.
I used to think it was something that needed to be fixed.
But moments like this-
Everything is ok.
Everything is perfect.

No words need to be exchanged,
But there is a peacefulness,
I read it in the way your body is held.
You are relaxed, as am I.
I see it the most in your right hand,
Open, exposed, reaching out, softly. Subtle.
I don’t think words need to be exchanged,
To affirm that everything is ok,

We are connected.

It’s beautiful.

The water is green, my heart is blue
His hair is sandy, and eyes are blue.
And I am here, unsure why-
In the city of Phnom Penh.

The water is green, my heart is blue
His hair is sandy, and eyes are blue.
And I am here, unsure why-
In the city of Phnom Penh.

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