golden hour pacific northwest coast (postcards from canada)

they want me to be 
someone i am not.
somedays i can play,
somedays i cannot.

i think they love me less
when i cannot.

if i could, 
i would. 
but i can’t. 
i am
so
so
so
tired. 

i think i would like to wait
for someone who sees me as i am.
the sunshine
and the moonlight.
is that alright?

it was alot to lose.
i think i am still catching up.
yes..
still….

but they keep tugging
a little too hard.
they want my time,
they want my presence.
but all i want
is to drop into somewhere
dark, ethereal, but true.
to carve out
a story, a map
for a brother
caught in the bardos,
so he can find his way out,
to transition into the next life time.
but they don’t want that.
they want me here.
and there just isn’t enough time,
enough energy
for both.

i’m just so tired.

i seek forgiveness,
for us both.

we are all doing the best we can,
given the circumstances
we were placed in
but didn’t ask for. 

i wish we had more time.
there is never enough time.