To the Stars

Here.
Here is Calgary.
Laying on a chilled wooden floor of an Air Bnb rental basement,
Two tennis balls strategically placed under my upper back,
Pulsating away physically manifested stress and anxiety.
The room is darkness with a soft purr of the refrigerator,
With background giggles of two of my travel companions.

Before.
Before was Grande Prairie.
Adrenaline my ally, fueling me through the days.
My life is now mid-shift displacement,
A portion of my life in a new nook,
A portion of my life still in home.
So much to share,
So little energy to share.
The time will come when I’ll let my imagination tell the tales,
But before now there were more important things to examine,
Like the cueing of each breath, and the trust in unforeseen.

Tomrorow,
Tomorrow I cannot predict.
A day that I have been preparing myself for,
But cannot integrate into visualization.
The mantra “I flow through life like water” seems fitting,
However the movement of each breath takes priority.
In a world where we try so fucking hard to level up,
Do we give our self the appropriate time to be where we are,
With judgment, theft or belittlement?

 

I sit here,
Listening for the words of my inner voice,
My guide, my compass.
I hear nothing.
I feel weight of the world sinking,
It dives my shoulders deeper into sin.
Headache forming mid right temple,
A constriction of breath, and superficial concern.

I do find myself sinking in to an universal truth,
I would hope every human would keep near to their whims.
 You have the right to take care of yourself.
       You have the right to say no, to change your mind.
       You have the right to say, I can’t right now without regret.

              You are not responsible for another person’s happiness or healing.

 

Of your actions throughout your path,
How many decisions do you make based upon other people?
There must be a sense of harmony in the madness.
If you cannot take care of your own inner peace,
How can you sacrifice yourself to the demands of others?

It’s time to close the screen and dissolve into sleep.
Under the stars of Calgary, I let all be for tonight,
As tomorrow will demand all of me.

-kp

 

photo credit: Bruno Scramgnon

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